Fondled and Gobbled: a parody

Don't give me those looks. It was a freebie.
Five short stories poking fun at some of oft-used tropes in erotica and steamier romance.
I skipped all the "50 shades parody" books, but the story here is probably better than all of them. (And free!)
Note, however, the title: there is indeed not only oral, but some food-related humour. Nothing gross, but in case that linking the food and sex squicks you in any way, better skip this.